Days Spent Loving Life

Heat

2007-03-08T17:44:00.000-05:00

Tuesday night into Wednesday, my house went unheated. There was apparently some kind of leaking water onto the controls and it just needed to be cleaned up and reset (once the pipes were fixed of course).

I complained. a lot. I got home from studying at a nice warm cafe on Tuesday, highly caffeinated, and ready for a good few hours of studying yet, and I walked into a 65 degree house. 65 isn't bad. But four hours later, when it had lowered to 57 and I was still awake, you may have thought the world was ending if you had had a chance to talk to me.

I woke up after four shivering hours of sleep, still colder. I was at the verge of peeing the bed because I had put off getting out from under the covers into the cold, and all the coffee had settled in my bladder. I found relief in a hot shower and called the landlord. I knew that by the time I got home my house would be back to living conditions and life would continue to be swell.

Two exams later, I came home to my 52 degree house, and I felt angry. Anger... at the temperature. Absurd. It finally hits me how selfish I have been. It hasn't even been a full twenty-four hours, and my house is well above the outdoor temperatures, but I am angry? What right do I have to be angry at all, when I have a bed to sleep in, a shower to clean in, and dry clothes to put on, as well as three meals each day. So much of life I take for granted.

Here's to heat. May we be ever thankful for such a privilege.
And may the Lord's protection and blessing be upon those without it.

Just Another Everyday Adventure

2007-02-22T16:19:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I leave for a trip I have been looking forward to since the end of August. When I left my brother's place in Baltimore I was already looking forward to coming back. Tomorrow's the day. I've been counting down, and now I'm down to one.

When asked about spring break plans, many can say the place to which they are destined, and many can say they have plans to go home, relax, and prepare for round two. Flying to Baltimore is just one flight on one day for one college girl, but to me, it's an adventure. It's my adventure to a week of laughing and exploring life.

I do have something to top the everyday spring break trips though. I meeting my brother's fiance. who can even say that!? not many. I can though. and I am more than thrilled about it. I'm excited for all of the adventures that I get to travel on. The things that look like normal everyday things to the world, like three people walking around New York, can be some of the most important and personal things of our lives.

Look out world, it's time for another adventure.

Weight

2007-02-13T12:53:00.000-05:00

Who should get to decide what is more important than something else? It certainly shouldn't be up to me to choose whether someone goes or misses out; or whether someone else's 30 dollars goes to waste.

It's supposed to snow 5-8 inches by morning. I have a trip to E. Lansing planned with four passengers in my old, but never failing, Monte. We wouldn't get home until after midnight with perfect road conditions. Who makes the call that it's not a good idea and 150 bucks become a waste and 5 seats go unfilled? The driver? Is it my responsibility to ensure everyone's health, or am I being selfish and just not wanting to concentrate all my energy on snow covered, but drivable, roads for hours this evening.

Is it more important to go, and provide a ride, and fill a seat or to stay home, in my warm house, out of danger while the snow falls outside, leaving four others rideless?

How does it weigh out?

Slowly Learning

2007-02-11T23:30:00.000-05:00

Love is about giving. It's not about competing; it's not about score keeping or tallies.

I'm not very good at remembering this sometimes. I'm always dogging myself for slacking off or getting behind. Really though, there is no behind in love. It's constant. For instance, my love for my family is always there. Yet sometimes when I forget to return a call, or I badly prioritize my home time, I'm hard on myself. Is it worth it though? Do my parents or brothers ever really doubt my love for them? It isn't likely.

What about my inability to let others provide a helping hand? Is it because I know that then they'll expect the same from me, and I may not be ready or capable? Is my controlling nature actually prohibiting others from showing their love? It's not a tally board Melissa. Let them give!

We are called to Love, but it's not a sport! We should not love competitively because we all win when love is exchanged in even the simplest of forms. We are sharing ourselves, our services, our thoughts and by doing so, we are showing our love. If anyone needs to learn this lesson, it is me.

Fear

2006-11-16T00:44:00.000-05:00

The way to conquer a fear is to face it.

"To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead."

We grow stronger by healing from our pains and sorrows and hurts.
We grow stronger with the help of others' helping hands.
We grow stronger by facing who we are and liking it.

I will be strong.

To write

2006-11-01T23:52:00.000-05:00

To write is to make sense of my thoughts by putting them on paper.
I miss that. The making sense. It's my lack of writing. Everything is racing around and unless I catch it and strap it down I can't ever get a good look at it.
My vow: make time to write. even if only a few words.
I'll do it for me. I'll do it for sanity. I'll do it to keep myself from puking when I'm scared shitless of being crushed.
I don't want to get hurt. Is it time to run away?

Silent Advice

2006-08-25T22:12:00.000-05:00

I sit at the foot of my grandfathers grave. An idea hits me as if he was there actually giving me the advice I needed to hear. This is what I felt:

The ups and downs of life are like cars. When we're up, we're gaining speed. The world is our race track and we cannot be beat. There are times that cause a slow down, and we have to go in for tune-ups. People around us give us recommendations and we follow our gut. There are times that we fall so deep that we feel imprisoned by the sorrow and depression surround us, suffocating us. Those are the crashes, many leaving our cars out of commission, some leaving visible marks. When we are ready, we get back on our feet and we go car shopping. We look for a new outlet, something, anything that will bring us joy. Our support system, the people that love us, help us look for just the right car, they point us in the right direction, and slowly the light comes back. We find a new car, maybe better than the last, or maybe slightly worse for wear.

This is where it gets good.

Some crashes don't leave our cars completely out of commision. Some of our falls require a decision. Do we spend the time and/or money to make our car work? Or do we start over? Is it worth it? or not? This is not always an easy decision. Trials like these help us grow, and they require faith.

God. Help me in my travels. Guide me to smart decision making. I trust you.

Midnight Tramp

2006-08-22T09:43:00.000-05:00

Security in darkness is rare. Especially for me.

Yet when the stars are out, I find solace and peace at the trampoline in my backyard. The dew makes it slippery, but the cage makes it safe. Lying there, the round net gives me the feeling of being in a giant telescope. Jumping through the air in the darkness, with only shapes for sight, gives the illusion of flight. I want to take off. I want to live in the stars.

Where is this peace in the daylight?

Little Things

2006-08-20T19:50:00.000-05:00

Life IS good. I know it is because I can feel it in a warm summer day and the cooling power of a clean clear lake at dusk. I can see it in the deep blue sky and the puffy cumulus clouds that provide shade without raining on my parade. I can hear it in a loud thunderstorm and even my favorite song when I'm in a dancing mood. I can smell it in fresh-baked cookies and the first scent of spring.

It's the winter that gets to me.